$u^^P@h $eR@p@|~|

kuumbar benci diri sendiri
mencaci,
memaki bagai tradisi
menyesakkan ruang-ruang nurani

batin jiwa tak kuasa berontak
kuhirup dalam-dalam dendam ini
biar kusimpan dihati luka yg membayangi

jerat asa semakin membelenggu
menghantarkanku ke tepian ragu
membeku,
terpaku

hidup tanpa jiwa,
matipun tanpa raga

menjerit tiada arti, hanya sesal yg tiba diakhir

Lembur nih???

Mlm semakin pekat. Disini, disudut ruangan gue msh berkecimpung didepan komputer kantor. Wkt sdh menunjukkan jam 22:16. Kerjaan msh menumpuk bagai tiada habisnya. Ditemani alunan musik cadas, mulai dr Children Of Bodom, Lamb Of God, A7X, & skrg From Autumn To Ashes. Tubuh sdh lelah menuntut utk istirahat. Apa daya, hrs dipaksa utk tetap fokus.
Yah, nasib....krj ma org laen! Cuma jd buruh gajian, demi sesuap nasi...
Tapi tetep hrs bersyukur. Seenggaknya gue bisa krj & dpt upah utk hidup sehari-hari. Drpd nganggur ga karuan, menengadahkan tangan pd ortu or org laen. Klo dipikir, kan msh banyak org yg tdk seberuntung gue. Yg msh bs ngisi weekend dg nongkrong di mall, belanja-belanji beli gim PS2 or PC. Sesekali berlibur ke kota lain & menghbskan wkt disana. Yah, semua ini kan hrs disyukuri.
Emang dah, rejeki itu kan sdh ada yg ngatur. Yg penting sabar aja & usaha, kali aja bsk lbh baik dr hr ini.
Tick...Tick....Tick....
Skrg wkt menunjukkan jam 22:40. It's time to go home!!!

oN Mourn

Tepatnya kemaren pas seminggu Bi Iis, adik bungsu dari bokap, telah kembali ke Rahmatullah. Wuih....rasanya msh blm bisa percaya sepenuhnya klo bibi gue ini sdh pergi. Kayaknya kota Bandung bakal sedikit berbeda pabila gue berkunjung, karna biasanya gue hampir selalu mampir ke rumahnya.
Bagi gue dia lebih dari sekedar bibi yg gue miliki. Dulu jamannya gue msh anak kosan dan ngejomblo (hehehe, maksudnya apa nih???), rumahnya bagai surga dikala uang kiriman gue blm dtg padahal tanggalan msh belasan. Gue bisa makan, bikin sirop, maen gim pc ampe begadang, dll, sepuasnya. Selain bibi gue yg ini, ada lg bibi gue yg laen, yg dlm hal ngerepotin, 50-50 deh persentasenya. Hebatnya lagi....bukan cuma gue yg biasa makan rumah mereka, tapi kadang temen gue jg disuruh makan...malahan dibekelin segala!!!
Makanya saat gue tau kbr klo penyakitnya dah ga bisa diobatin, rasanya bagai seribu tombak menghujam dada! Gimana enggak...denger penyakit yg divonis dokter aja dah cukup bikin hati bergidik, LEUKEMIA. Nah, ini definisi yg gue kopi dr Wikipedia Indonesia:

Leukemia atau kanker darah adalah sekelompok penyakit neoplastik yang beragam, ditandai oleh perbanyakan secara tak normal atau transformasi maligna dari sel-sel pemebntuk darah di sumsum tulang dan jaringan limfoid. Sel-sel normal di dalam sumsum tulang digantikan oleh sel tak normal atau abnormal. Sel abnormal ini keluar dari sumsum dan dapat ditemukan di dalam darah perifer atau darah tepi. Sel leukemia mempengaruhi hematopoiesis atau proses pemebentukan sel darah normal dan imunitas tubuh penderita.
Kata leukemia berarti "darah putih", karena pada penerita ditemukan banyak sel darah putih sebelum diberi terapi. Sel darah putih yang tampak banyak merupakan sel yang muda, misalnya promielosit. Jumlah yang semakin meninggi ini dapat mengganggu fungsi normal dari sel lainnya.

Cukup lama juga bibi gue bertahan, kurang lebih setahun ia berjuang dg penyakitnya. Udah tiap berapa bulan transfusi darah supaya sel darah merahnya menjadi lbh banyak lagi. Tapi itu semua tdk memberi sesuatu yg signifikan! Trus diterusin ma pengobatan alternatif, hasilnya sama aja. Dan.......setelah sekian lama mencari penawarnya......akhirnya, tgl 28 Nov 07 jam 20:25 di RS Borromeus, bibi gue menghembuskan napas terakhirnya....

There're so much support she gave me, but there's nothing i could give for a return...

BEBAS!!!!

Wah...ternyata sulit sekali yah utk memegang suatu komitmen!!!
Yup!!! Finally this is my first Indonesian post for my blog. Niatan awal siy mulia, ingin go international. Apa daya, mental ndeso lbh kuat mencengkeram...hingga pada akhirnya keteteran juga deh.
Hey!!! Don't get hard on yourself!!!!
Iya deh.....mulei sekarang, gue bebas aja dong mo nulis pake bahasa apaan! Kan, blog gue ini!!! Marah-marah aja kok malah nyusahin diri sendiri...
Mustinya amarah itu universal, tanpa harus dibatasi dg bahasa, atau apapun...

My Dream Ride

Lately I have this eager of having my own motor to ride. Maybe some of you will laugh for what I've dreamed. Yeah, it's like a dream come true after all these fight and struggle. Since I was in the junior till high school, I wanna have my motor to ride anywhere I go. But my mom not allowed me to. So here and now, when I got my license to ride from my mom, my adrenaline rise up and need to be explode.
But then I become numb when I've got to choose which one of those bikes should I ride. This is my first time I have to decide on buying something expensive beyond my pocket. I prefer to choose HONDA CBR rather than YAMAHA JUPITER MX or HONDA SUPRA X, but my license is way lower than that. Oh yeah, there are two candidates that still bugging my mind...I also like to ride SUZUKI SATRIA or BAJAJ PULSAR. For PULSAR, I even have taken the brochure and ready to pay the down payment. But still, I can't decide which one would be the best for me...
Aaaahhh......My need is confusing me! I want my dope to ease my mind! Can I get some, mate???

TROUBLE WITH YOUR WORDS

Hey, what's wrong with my Spitbox?

It says: This Site Has Been Suspended

So, I'm curious and visit the site. But then again it said that this site has been suspended. Then, where the hell is my comments from my friends??? Would they drop their words again???

Thanks to putri, now I use Cbox for my new Spitbox.

It has been several months since I visit and wrote my own blog. And it's a routine whose killing me. I don't have enough time to do anything no more. My life seem to stop at that moment.

Gosh........There's too many trouble appear lately at the same time. And I become so numb, don't know what to do.........And I hate it when this is happen!!!!

CAUSE AND EFFECT

I believe what we have done in the past effects what we are now. And that is why world goes around. Even though there’s a destiny that one must fulfill, we don’t know what our destiny are since it is God authority. So in order to fulfill it, we must do our best to create one.

Hell yeah!!! Nobody wants to live in miserable way! Regrets always come at the end, so be careful when we decided to do or not to do something.


Before you take another crack
And slap yourself on the back
Before you tell me what you heard
And sum it up in one word
Before you start talking shit
Before you throw another fit
THINK AGAIN


I know I have done something bad in the past, and now I have to live with it. I realize I can’t never go back and made things right. My mistakes will always be felt so bitter. And even though I’ve tried so hard to pay for what I’ve done, I still can’t ever change for what have happened. I’m not asking for forgiveness, I just want people that I have hurt their feelings can accept me as a new human beings. But it seems to be a good person with a bad record is not as easy as turning your hands back…

This plague I dedicated for those that I’ve hurt. I understand u will never forget the pain that I’ve been put on ur feelings. Perhaps the best way to forgive me is to eliminate ur memory bout me and pretend u never know me…ever!!!

WHAT GOES AROUND…COMES AROUND HARDER!!!