Suicidal Failure

Father forgive me for I know not what I do
I tried everything, but I'll leave it up to you
I don't want to live, I don't know why
I don't have no reasons, I just want to die

I'm a suicidal failure, I've got to get some help
I have suicidal tendencies, but I can't kill myself

I'm tired of this way of life, my patience has expired
I'm barely just 19 (???...no, i'm older than that!!!) , but my life I will retire
I went down to a rifle store, I bought myself a gun
I pointed it at my head, but I couldn't get the job done



I took all my mothers sleeping pills
I jumped off a freeway bridge
I drank three kinds of poison
And drove my car off a ridge
I beat myself with a bat
Put a noose around my head
I overdosed on heroin
But I'm still not dead

Death may not be the answer, it can't be all that great
But me I'm not into living, with life I can't relate
By some masochistic reasoning, I think that it will be fun
I want to start my second life now
So shoot me with your gun

I was listening Suicidal tendencies while I smoke my dope. Suddenly a thought of suicide appears on my head. Is it really could solve a problem?
Then many question filled my head...
Isn’t it would just add problems?
How about for people who love me could take my leaving?
Is it worth to do it?
Once I have a friend who died for an accident. By that time, I was angry with ALLAH. I thought He was not fair to take him immediately. My friend had a bright future, and he was nice to other people. But why he had to die?
Day by day I had to live in sadness. But time taught me to accept what has happened. Maybe ALLAH has a plan for him. And it proved that He love His follower. I can’t explain u how His plan works, since it is not a logic thought. Only if u believes in Him, u can understand it.
And for a suicide thing….well, ALLAH hates people who’s giving up for living. We must accept for what He has written upon us. And if u’re having troubles on living it, then u should pray and keep trying. Cause one thing for sure, He will hear ur prays and won’t leaves u behind. It is the prove that He loves u much.
I thank to Him for the life I’ve been living it. Even now I have a problem that seems doesn’t has any answers and I must dealing with, I still want to live my life. Somehow I knew that He will answer my prays, and lead me to the answer that I looking for. My parents in law once had said to me that I must be a positive to live on what’s He has been giving me. And that’s exactly what I will do. So fuck all of u who’s giving me troubles to deal with!!! Cause I will face it boldly!!!
After I write this blog, I throw my dope out, and pray. Cause inside my heart I still believe that ALLAH will hear it and answer it…